


Behind Her Eyes

by therentalspace



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-01 19:03:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2784224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therentalspace/pseuds/therentalspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She knows who the letter is from even though it isn't signed. The sentences are disjointed and messy, like Korra couldn't gather her thoughts for long enough to write a coherent paragraph. The panic in her chest spikes as she reads it again. Spoilers up to 4x04, AU-ish, Korrasami</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Light, No Light

Asami collapses back into her chair and closes her eyes as she massages her temples. The main infrastructure of Republic City is finished. Future Industries, and Asami, have gone above and beyond what Raiko and the rest of the Council contracted them to do. But, as usual, instead of saying _Great job, why don’t you take a week off_ , it’s _Great job, but…_ and then a laundry list of things they want fixed, changed, or added to the contract.

  
There’s a knock on the door and Asami sucks in a deep breath. “Come in.”

  
The door opens slightly and her personal assistant pokes his head inside, a tentative expression on his face. Asami motions for him to come in all the way.

  
“What do you have for me?” she asks, her voice bitter. “Another summons from Raiko? An amendment to our contract? More modifications from Tenzin for the wingsuits?”

  
He shuffles his feet and looks down before holding out a stack of envelopes with the familiar red stamp of Republic City Prison.

  
“Put them with the others,” she murmurs, dropping her head into her hands.

  
“Miss Sato…”

  
“Please, Lao,” she says, her voice cracking. “Just… put them with the others and allow me to have a moment of peace. Please.”

  
Lao sighs and sets the letter on the table behind her. The door shuts quietly behind him.

  
Asami walks over to the table covered in piles of letters from Hiroshi. Each one is addressed to her in his immaculate handwriting, the red ink of the prison stamp embossed in the upper right hand corner of each envelope. She clenches her jaw as she picks up the stack of letters, this one thicker than the last she received. He isn’t catching the hint that she doesn’t want to speak to him.

  
Anger surges through her and she swipes at the stack of letters. They float to the floor as tears stream down her cheeks. She holds herself steady against the edge of the desk as she struggles not to let the sobs rising in her throat take over. One chokes its way out and she soon finds herself on the floor hugging her knees to her chest as her cries wrack her body.

  
When she finally looks up, her vision hazy from the tears in her eyes, an envelope catches her eye. It doesn’t have the telltale red ink of the Republic City Prison stamp, but rather the green and gold signature of the Earth Kingdom. Her breath catches in her throat and she reaches for it with a shaking hand, her fingers trembling as she rips open the seal. Panic rises in her chest as she reads.

_Asami, something’s wrong. I can’t come back to Republic City and I can’t explain why. Something’s wrong with me and I thought coming back would help me figure it out but I can’t. She’s there. She’s always there. I’m sorry that I’m not back. I’m sorry I haven’t written. I don’t know if I’ll write another letter. I don’t know if I’ll be able to. I’ll try. I promise. I’ll come back as soon as I can. As soon as I fix myself. Don’t tell anyone. Please._

She knows who it’s from even though it isn’t signed. The handwriting is sloppier than usual, and there are water marks and dirt smudges on the paper. The sentences are disjointed and messy, like Korra couldn’t gather her thoughts for long enough to write a coherent paragraph. The panic in her chest spikes as she reads it again. What does she mean she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to write another letter?

  
There’s another knock on the door.

  
“Go away!” she yells, wiping her eyes with the back of her sleeve for it to come away with smeared mascara and eyeliner.

  
“Miss Sato, I think you’re going to want to see this.”

  
Asami sucks in a deep breath and stands, doing her best to make herself look composed. “Okay, fine.”

  
To his credit, Lao only glances at the scattered letters on the floor and does a good job of pretending Asami hasn’t been crying when he steps into the room. He’s holding another letter in his hand, this one bearing the red and gray seal of Future Industries on a green and gold Earth Kingdom envelope.

  
“I think it’s from one of your contacts in the Earth Kingdom about… the information you’ve been seeking,” he says as he hands over the letter.

  
His words do nothing to quell the panic still rising in her chest. She feels like she’s going to throw up. It takes her several long seconds to break the seal on the letter because her hands are shaking so bad. The tears in her eyes make it hard to read the small printed letters arranged neatly on the page. Lao takes the letter from her hand gently and reads it to himself.

  
“One of your contacts has found something. He thinks he knows where the Avatar is and wants to know if you want him to go after her.”

  
Relief seeps through her body and she lets out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

  
“No,” she says decisively. “How long will it take to ready our fastest airship to leave for the Earth Kingdom?”

  
Lao just stares at her for a moment. “There’s an airship leaving for Omashu in three hours. It’s not our fastest airship, but it would take at least a few days to gather another crew together…”

  
“Perfect.” She’s already bustling around her office, not paying attention to the letters she steps on as she gathers her things. “Alert the captain of the airship that I’ll be joining him and don’t let him know what it’s about. If he asks say I’m meeting with some potential clients in Omashu.”

  
“But Miss Sato, how long are you going to be gone?” Lao asks, desperation lacing his voice. “You have a Board meeting tomorrow morning, and you’re supposed to see President Raiko later this week about plans for a new contract…”

  
“Postpone everything. Tell them I’m unavailable until further notice. You’re to take my place, Lao. If I wouldn’t do it don’t let the Board do it, understood?”  
The panicked look on Lao’s face is priceless. “But Miss Sato…”

  
She turns to him and places a hand on his shoulder. “Lao, this is something I have to do,” she says. Asami doesn’t know how to stress the importance of this to him. “With everything happening… the world needs the Avatar, Lao, or there might not be much of anything left for her to come back to. I need Korra. Please just… I need to do this.”

  
For a moment it looks like he’s going to protest, but then he nods firmly. “I’ll do my best, Miss Sato,” he says, furrowing his eyebrows in determination.

  
A small smile flits across her lips, the first one genuine one for weeks. “When I get back we can talk about a promotion and a raise.”  
“Good luck, Miss Sato.”

* * *

 

The trip from Republic City to Omashu takes longer than Asami wants. By the end of the first day the captain is so fed up with her that he threatens to make her take the helm if she doesn’t stop badgering him. After that she locks herself in her study and receives calls from Lao and a very perturbed President Raiko between sketching out blueprints for new prototypes.

  
She writes out several replies to Korra’s letter but they all end up in the trash. The words linger in her thoughts, pressing into everything she uses to distract herself. Korra’s only sent her a handful of letters in all the time she’s been gone and most of them have been sad, but none of them have been this desperate. Asami has them with her and reads them every night before she goes to bed, taking comfort in her words until she gets to the last one. She drifts to sleep every night with a picture of Korra in her head: she’s cradled in Asami’s arms, her eyes glowing white from the Red Lotus’ poison, her breathing sparse and shallow. She reaches up and touches Asami’s face before her body goes limp in her arms.

  
Asami wakes up in the middle of the night every time, screams trapped in her throat and tears streaming down her face. She prays to the Spirits, to Raava, to her dead mother that she finds Korra in time to stop her from whatever she plans to do.

* * *

 

Her arrival in Senlin Village is greeted with stares. It’s a small farming village and almost all of the villagers use animal-drawn carts for transportation so her Future Industries motorbike stands out. She ignores the intrigued looks and parks her motorbike outside the village’s only tavern to wait.

  
Lee, her contact, is a sleazy man who slouches in his seat and chews tobacco like his life depends on it. Asami takes an instant disliking to him, especially when he gives her the information he has on Korra.

  
“What do you mean she’s gone?”

  
Asami’s withering glare does nothing to intimidate Lee. He simply leans back farther in his chair and shrugs one of his shoulders.

  
“I kept an eye on ‘er while I was waiting for you to get back to me,” he says between smacks of chewing his tobacco. “Didn’t want to get too close an’ scare ‘er away, though. She seemed a bit paranoid, lookin’ over ‘er shoulder every couple seconds, an’ she was already getting’ a bit too suspicious of me, I think. Duckin’ into alleys every time I walked past, disappearin’ down side streets, that sort o’ thing. But three, maybe four weeks ago she just… disappeared.”

  
She closes her eyes and massages her temples. Talking to this man in person is more excruciating than drawing up a contract for President Raiko. “Did you make any effort to track her down?” she asks through gritted teeth.

  
His laugh only aggravates her already throbbing headache. “You think it’s that easy to track ‘er down?” he asks, pounding his fist down on the table. “That girl knows more about coverin’ ‘er tracks than I do, and that’s sayin’ something. She don’t want no one followin’ ‘er, that’s for sure.”

  
Her knuckles whiten as her grip on her glass tightens. “Is there anything useful you can tell me?”

  
“Last I heard she was lookin’ for somethin’ similar to the underground earthbendin’ competitions that were popular before pro bendin’ stole the scene.”  
“And do you have any idea where she could find something like that?” she asks.

  
He grins before sliding a paper out of the inside of his jacket and sliding it across the table to her. “Everythin’ you need to know is there,” he says, a conspiratorial smile curling at the corners of his mouth. “Nearly cost me an arm an’ a leg to get that for you. If you pull out a map I can show you where you’re gonna be goin’ next.”

* * *

 

It takes Asami nearly two weeks to get to Gaoling and by the time she gets there both she and her motorbike are caked in mud and covered in dust. She checks into a hotel and takes a shower before she starts to ask around about earthbending tournaments. It takes another week before anyone is even willing to talk to her about the possibility of them even existing. It turns out that the tournaments aren’t exactly legal, but for a certain amount of money a man named Xin offers to get her in for a night.

  
“It changes places, see,” he says as he leads her through the streets of late night Gaoling. “So the police don’t find us. A couple of ‘em don’t care, and we pay a few of ‘em off, but there’re huge fines if we get caught. I’m trusting you, see.” He grins at her, his mouth full of crooked teeth, and she feels the urge to vomit when he winks at her.

  
The site of tonight’s fights is an arena usually used for demonstrations by Master Yu’s Earthbending Academy. Xin shows her to a seat in the back.

  
“It’s best if you don’t get up real close,” he whispers just under the low murmur of the crowd. “I don’t want the guy in charge to see I’ve brought an outsider in until I know it’s okay. If you see anyone official heading towards you make a run for it.” He gives her that crooked smile again before disappearing into the throng of people.

  
The earthbending tournament is nothing like Asami has ever seen. It’s a probending tournament without the water and fire and twenty times more brutal. In the first three matches alone there are two broken arms, some broken ribs, and at least one concussion. The crowd cheers as the losers are carried out of the arena and Asami can’t help but wrinkle her nose in disgust. How can people cheer like that when someone is so obviously hurt?

  
There’s only one match left when Asami stands up to leave. It’s obvious Korra isn’t here and probably never was. The Avatar would never enter a competition that could kill her. A picture of Korra flits through her mind: sitting in her wheelchair, shoulders slumped, a broken expression on her face and barely enough strength to lift a pebble, let alone the boulders the competitors have been throwing around all night. Asami shakes her head and turns towards the exit. No, Korra is not here.

  
She’s about to leave the arena when the announcer catches her attention.

  
“And challenging tonight’s reigning champion, the winner of last week’s Earth Rumble, give it up for… THE BLIND BANDIT!”

  
The name sparks a memory of Bolin telling her about Toph Beifong’s legendary Earth Rumble championship history and she turns quickly. The crowd is on its feet and people scream so loud she can barely hear herself think. It can’t be Toph. It is her hometown but no one has seen her for over a decade. Asami cranes her neck, straining to catch a glimpse of The Blind Bandit over the crowd, but she can only see tonight’s champion, a woman dressed in baggy pants and a sports bra who goes by The Ringer.

  
Curiosity peaked, Asami makes her way back to her seat and watches the arena anxiously. A slab of stone pushes out from the end of the arena opposite The Ringer and a young woman who is obviously not Toph Beifong steps out. The crowd boos and Asami furrows her brow in confusion.

  
The crowd quiets to a dull murmur as the beginning bell rings and the women start to circle each other. Asami gets a better look at The Blind Bandit: She’s thin and wiry, not an ounce of fat on her body, and her skin is dark enough for Asami to believe she comes from a desert area. She wears baggy green pants and a loose-fitting sleeveless shirt typical of Earth Kingdom residents, but no shoes. Her arms are wrapped from her palms up to the middle of her upper arms and, the thing Asami finds most curious, a stark white bandage is tied around her head to cover her eyes.

  
Asami turns to the man on her left. “Is she really blind?”

  
He snorts. “Newcomer?” he asks as he looks her up and down, shrugging when she chooses not to answer. “Eh, it’s a stunt. Lots of people have done it since the original Blind Bandit back during Avatar Aang’s time. They think it makes them look cooler, but none of them are very good.”

  
Disappointment rises in the pit of Asami’s stomach. “So it’s an act?”

  
The man shrugs again. “Could be,” he says, watching as The Ringer throws the first blow, narrowly missing The Blind Bandit. “Never seen this one without her blindfold, though. Guess she doesn’t want her image blown. It’s fucking blasphemy, though, taking The Blind Bandit’s name when you’re not even half as good as she was. This one just showed up one day.”

  
“Is she any good?”

Another boulder flies at The Blind Bandit and she rolls out of the way. She throws a disk of stone at The Ringer who blocks it easily.

  
“It’s a give and take with this one,” he mutters. “Wins spectacularly one week and is beat out in three moves the next. She’s not gonna make it. She’ll putter out like the rest of them.”

  
With that statement he turns his full attention to the arena. The Blind Bandit is steadily losing ground, just barely dodging and blocking slabs of stone and chunks of earth. Her own attacks are weak and obviously made out of desperation. Asami winces as a slab of stone crashes into her, knocking her off her feet and throwing her into the wall. She stumbles to her feet as The Ringer paces the opposite side of the arena, a self-satisfied smirk on her face as she waits for The Blind Bandit to make her move.

  
Minutes later one last boulder crashes into The Blind Bandit and she struggles to raise herself up on all fours before collapsing to the ground on her stomach. The bell rings and The Ringer circles the arena victoriously, arms raised above her head. Two men run into the arena to help The Blind Bandit but she just waves them off before slowly getting to her feet and stumbling over to the wall where she entered. With a flick of her wrist she opens a doorway in the stone and disappears inside, the rock slamming shut behind her.

  
“Told you,” the man next to Asami says.

  
Asami just shakes her head and walks out of the arena with the rest of the crowd spilling out into the darkness of the streets. As she walks back to her hotel she realizes the disappointment sitting heavily in her stomach isn’t from her failure to find Korra, but from The Blind Bandit’s loss. She realizes she was subconsciously rooting for the woman with the bandage over her eyes.

  
It’s in that moment of realization that Asami sees The Blind Bandit turn the corner at the end of the street and seconds later she’s hurrying to follow her.  
The woman walks quickly, like she has somewhere to be this late at night, and it’s hard for Asami to keep her in sight, let alone catch up with her. She’s wearing the same thing she did in the arena and parts of her clothes are soaked with blood. Her feet are still bare and she carries a small green bag slung over her shoulder. Asami resists the urge to run after her as there are still people on the streets wandering home and she doesn’t want to call any more attention to herself than she has to.

  
When the rows of small homes and businesses begin to fade into the ornate gates of the richer estates of Gaoling Asami realizes she’s followed the Blind Bandit to the edge of the city. She’s tempted to turn back, to just go to her hotel and find someone to bring her to the next earthbending tournament, but there’s a very real possibility she won’t be able to get back in and for some reason she feels some desperate need to speak to this woman.

  
The Blind Bandit turns the corner ahead and Asami quickens her pace only to find that the woman has disappeared when she turns the corner. Furrowing her brow she looks behind her and down the street she’d just been walking on in case she saw wrong, but there’s no one in sight except for two guards walking away in the distance.

  
Asami’s about to give up and head back to her hotel when someone grabs her by the collar of her jacket and pulls her into the shadows. She’s pressed against a wall and a knife appears at her throat, the metal edge cold and sharp against her bare skin. The Blind Bandit’s bandaged face is inches away from her own, her lips curling up in a snarl as she presses the knife closer to Asami’s neck.

  
“Who are you and why are you following me?”

  
It takes Asami a moment to register the familiarity of the voice. _“Korra?”_

  
The snarl disappears in an instant and the pressure on Asami’s throat lessens. “Asami?”

  
Inexplicable anger surges through Asami and she pushes Korra away before rubbing at her throat where the knife pressed into her skin. “Spirits be damned, Korra, what the fuck are you doing?”

  
“I didn’t… how did you find me?” The knife is gone but the wariness hasn’t left her face.

  
“I didn’t even know it was you I was following,” Asami says. “I saw your match back in the earthbending arena. I don’t even know why I started following you. But what the fuck was that? Were you going to kill me?”

  
Korra shrugs. “I don’t… I’m just on edge,” she mutters, crossing her arms over her chest as she hunches her shoulders. “There was this guy following me in the last village I was in. Freaked me out.”

  
“Shifty guy who likes to chew tobacco?” Asami asks. Korra’s nod is uncertain. “He’s one of mine.”

  
At Asami’s admission Korra tenses up and takes a few steps back. “One of yours?”

  
Asami sighs. “That’s not what I meant,” she mutters, running a hand through her hair. “Everyone’s been looking for you, Korra, and I did what I could to contribute to the effort. I have contacts in all four nations because of Future Industries.”

  
Korra just clenches her jaw.

  
“Look, don’t trust me, fine, but I really don’t feel comfortable standing out here. It’s late and you made it quite apparent that anyone could just grab me from the shadows and slit my throat,” Asami says. “Can we go back to my hotel room and talk?”

  
Shoulders slumping, Korra nods. “I’m sorry about the knife thing,” she whispers as they start walking back towards the inner city. “I really didn’t know it was you.”

  
“You didn’t think to, I don’t know, take that blindfold off and look at my face before you slit my throat?” The sarcasm in her voice is palpable and Korra tenses again.

  
“It’s not that simple,” Korra mutters.

  
The rest of their walk is spent in a tense silence. Asami glances over at Korra every once in a while, but the other woman doesn’t show any sign of acknowledging her presence, the blindfold still tied firmly over her eyes. Frustration grows in Asami’s chest with every passing moment and by the time they get to the hotel she’s ready to punch something.

  
“Wait, your room is upstairs?”

  
Asami pauses with her foot still hovering over the first step and looks back at Korra. There’s a terrified expression on her face, one she hasn’t seen since right after her fight with Zaheer. Her frustration melts into a mix of sadness and pity. What’s forced Korra to don this blindfold so that even a set of stairs won’t let her take it off? A thought pokes at the back of her mind and she pushes it away, unwilling to admit to the possibility it presents.

  
“Come on,” she whispers, taking Korra by the hand and leading her to the wooden stairs. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

  
The walk up two flights of stairs and down the hall to Asami’s room takes them nearly half an hour. Korra’s steps are tentative and over careful, so different than how she moved in the streets not even an hour before. Even when she’s seated on Asami’s bed she doesn’t relax but hunches her shoulders and startles every time something makes a sound.

  
“Okay, you can lose the whole Blind Bandit persona now that we’re alone,” Asami says, leaning against the wall across from her and crossing her arms over her chest. “I’d really appreciate having a real conversation where we look each other in the eyes.”

  
Korra shivers and tilts her chin into her chest as she mutters something unintelligible.

  
“I can’t hear you,” Asami says with a roll of her eyes.

  
“I said I can’t,” Korra mutters a little louder. “I’m… I’m actually blind.”

  
Asami’s heart freezes and she just stares uncomprehendingly at Korra for a moment. “What?”

  
“I’m… I’m blind,” Korra whispers, still not raising her head. “That’s… that’s why I didn’t want to go up the stairs. I can’t see if there isn’t earth beneath my feet. And that’s why I almost slit your throat back there. I didn’t know who you were because I’d never really had to see you with just my earthbending before.” Her voice breaks on the last word and she buries her face in her hands.

  
She’s speechless for a moment as she watches silent sobs shake Korra’s wiry frame. Then she crosses the room and kneels in front of Korra, her hands soft on the sides of Korra’s head as she lifts her face out of her hands. The expression on Korra’s face is heart wrenching and she forces back tears of her own.

  
“Let me see,” she whispers, and Korra opens her mouth to protest but Asami is already fumbling with the knot at the back of Korra’s head. A moment later and Asami slowly lowers the blindfold to reveal the upper half of Korra’s face, her eyes squeezed shut as tears leak down her cheeks.

  
“Please let me see,” Asami whispers again, and Korra tentatively opens her eyes.

  
As Korra’s eyes flutter open Asami holds in a gasp. Instead of the familiar icy-blue, Korra’s eyes look like she’s in the Avatar state. But instead of glowing her eyes are an inky blue-black with pinpoints of white shining through. It looks like the night sky has been trapped inside her eyes.

  
“It was supposed to fix me,” Korra whimpers, clutching at Asami as tears continue to stream down her face. “I thought it was going to fix me.”

  
She looks at the broken woman in front of her and her heart shatters into a million pieces. How is the Avatar supposed to bring balance to the world when she can’t even fix herself?


	2. Only If For a Night

 Asami wakes to a crash and bolts upright, already reaching for her electric glove as she squints to see the intruder in the dark. When she switches on her glove the resulting electric static illuminates the room in a faint blue-white light. It’s then that she notices Korra isn’t in bed next to her and she shoots to her feet, panic rising in her chest until she sees Korra on the floor clutching at her feet with a pained expression on her face.

“Are you okay?” she asks, quickly powering down her glove and reaching for the lantern on her bedside table. A moment later she has it lit. “What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I just… I needed to go to the bathroom and I didn’t want to wake you,” Korra whimpers. “I bumped into the dresser. I think… is there glass on the floor?”

The water pitcher that was on the dresser is shattered on the floor and pieces of the broken pottery are embedded in the bottoms of Korra’s feet. A puddle of water creeps steadily outward and Asami grabs a towel from the top dresser drawer and throws it down over the mess.

She reaches for Korra to help her to her feet and startles back in shock when a plume of fire bursts from Korra’s extended fist. Asami reels away but the flames catch on the sleeve of her nightshirt and she’s crying out in pain as they eat through the thin fabric to the flesh below.

For a moment she’s five years old and fire is eating away at the carpet on the second floor landing. Her mother is screaming for her to run, to go hide in her room, but her shock renders her immobile. She can feel the heat of the flames on her face and her tears evaporate just as quickly as they fall. Then she feels the bite of the flames on her arm and the memory is gone. It takes her a few moments to extinguish the fire but it’s already done its damage.

“Oh Spirits, Asami, I’m so sorry!” The expression on Korra’s face is stricken. “I am so, so sorry!”

There’s banging on the door and she didn’t know she’d fallen to her knees until she has to struggle to her feet again. The landlord looks furious when she opens the door.

“I’m getting complaints from other guests about the noise in this room,” he says, his eyes immediately falling to the burnt remnants of her shirtsleeve. “Do I need to call the police?”

“No, I… I just got a little out of hand,” she says, managing a smile through the pain. “I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

His gaze stays focused on her arm. “Since when do firebenders set themselves on fire?” he asks.

“When they mistake their blind earthbending friend for an intruder when she tries to get to the bathroom in the middle of the night,” she says, sarcasm lacing her tone of voice, and that shuts him up. “Speaking of which, do you think we could get a room on the ground floor with, you know, a stone floor? And perhaps some sort of medical kit, as well?”

He snorts. “I’m not moving you to another room to set on fire.”

She mentally curses him and reaches for her wallet to pull out a few twenty yuan bills. His derisive look fades a little when she slips them into his hand.

“Of course. I’ll have someone come get your things for you immediately and show you to your new room.” He turns away and starts walking down the hall, waving away the curious stares of people who have poked their heads out of their own rooms.

“Fucking firebenders,” she hears him mutter as he tucks the yuan in his pocket.

Korra is still sitting on the floor when she turns back to her and she has a broken expression on her face. For a moment Asami is glad Korra can’t see the pained expression on her face or the tears welling up in her eyes as she looks down at the burn on her upper arm. The skin is red and blistered and the pain is sharp but it doesn’t look serious.

“Asami?” Korra whimpers and Asami turns her attention to her.

“I’m right here,” she says gently, blocking out the pain from her arm as she kneels next to Korra.

“I’m so sorry,” Korra whispers, dropping her face into her hands. “I didn’t… I’m really stupid. Sometimes I have these… these visions and I’m back facing Amon or Vaatu and Unalaq or Zaheer and for a moment I thought… I thought you were one of them. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Asami says, trying to make her voice as soothing as possible even as the wound on her arm burns. “We’re going to get a room on the first floor, okay? That way you don’t have to worry about bumping into things.”

A silent sob shakes Korra’s shoulders and Asami places a tentative hand on her back.

“Korra, really, it’s okay,” she murmurs. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.”

Asami manages to soothe Korra long enough to pick all the broken pottery from the bottoms of her feet and, when a disgruntled hotel employee shows up at their door with a medical kit and a key to their new room, apply a soothing salve and bandages to them. She tends to her own injury later, after Korra’s feet have found the firm stone of the first floor, after Asami’s tucked her into bed and made sure she’s asleep.

As she lies on her back staring up at the ceiling she contemplates the promises she made to get Korra to willingly go to sleep. She knows false promises are the last thing Korra needs right now and that if any of the ones she made turn out to be lies Korra is going to shatter again. So she vows to herself that she’s going to do everything she can to make them come true.

* * *

 Asami’s frustration peaks the next morning.

“I don’t know what you thought was going to happen if you found me,” Korra says as she paces back and forth on the opposite side of the room. She’s more comfortable, now, more sure of herself, and it seems like the terrors from the night before have faded to reveal the fiery anger Asami is more familiar with. “That you’d just, what? Cart me back to Republic City and everything would be okay again?”

“I thought you’d actually care,” Asami bites back. “People need you _out there_ , Korra, not in some hidden earthbending arena where people go to gamble away their savings and watch people get their asses kicked.”

The last thing Asami expects is for Korra to throw her head back and laugh.

“You think I don’t care?” Korra demands, shoving away from the dresser to face her with a derisive sneer. “You think I’m just sitting here, what? Twiddling my thumbs? Do you think I’m entering these earthbending tournaments because, gee whiz, wouldn’t it be fun to get thrown around by another earthbender today? ‘Cause I sure didn’t get my ass kicked enough last time.”

“Then explain to me how this is helping!” Asami yells, throwing her hands up in the air. “Because apparently I’m missing something.”

“Explain to me how going back to Republic City like this is going to help!” Korra yells. “I’ll tell you exactly what’s going to happen when I get there: Everyone is going to coddle me and send me to a million and one healers and then, when they can’t do anything, they’re going to send for Katara. And when they _finally_ figure out that this _can’t be fixed_ they’re going to feel all sorry for me and tell me to ‘take all the time I need’ to ‘recover.’ And I can’t… I can’t deal with that again.”

She knows she isn’t going to win this argument but the throbbing in her arm just makes her more irritable. It doesn’t help that a hotel worker woke them up early to inform her she was being charged for the damages to her first room and now she’s even more sleep deprived than before. So instead of conceding to Korra she digs her heels in deeper and crosses her arms over her chest, letting the burning sensation in her arm spur her on.

“So you’re just going to stay here and what? Compete in earthbending tournaments for the rest of your life? Pretend the whole outside world doesn’t exist?”

“Is that what you think I’m doing out here?” Korra asks, disbelief written clearly on her face. “You think I’m avoiding my problems? I’m trying to fix them, Asami! This is… this is the only way I can fix them, okay?”

“You’re running away,” Asami snarls. “You’re running away like you always do and you’re leaving everyone behind to cope without you.”

Korra is silent and for a moment Asami thinks she might have actually won.

“Maybe you’re right,” Korra finally says, her voice unusually quiet and controlled. “Maybe I am running away. But you can’t be mad at me for doing something when you’re doing the exact same thing.”

The statement stuns Asami for a moment and when she comes back to herself Korra is halfway out the door.

“Wait, where are you going?”

“I’m running away,” Korra snaps before slamming the door behind her.

A solid fifteen minutes pass before it occurs to Asami that Korra’s taken her bag with her, but by the time she makes it out to the street Korra is long gone.

* * *

 

Three days pass before Asami lets herself really worry.

She’s not sure if it’s even worth going to look for Korra at this point. For all she knows Korra’s already moved on: left for the next village; the next city with illegal underground earthbending tournaments; the next bending nation. She spends her days wandering Gaoling, exploring the city and hoping she’ll catch a glimpse of Korra, her nights curled up in her bed struggling not to cry because she _failed_.

It’s by chance that she runs into the man she sat next to at the earthbending tournament. On the third night of Korra’s absence she decides to go to a bar instead of sit in her room and pore over Korra’s letters. He recognizes her first, introduces himself as Ghashiun, and offers to buy her a drink.

“So what’re you doing in Gaoling anyways?” he asks as he sets his bottle down on the bar top.

“What?”

He laughs. “You’re obviously not from here,” he says with a shake of his head. “I’d bet you aren’t even from the Earth Kingdom.”

Asami allows herself to smile. “It’s that obvious?”

“You’re not wearing green.” He keeps his face straight for a moment before he laughs with her.

“What’s with that?” she asks. “Seriously, everywhere I look it’s green and gold. Are there just not any other options for clothing colors?”

“It’s so we can spot outsiders more easily,” he says with a wink, and they laugh again. “You never answered my question, though. What brings you to Gaoling? It can’t be the underground earthbending tournaments. The best ones are in Omashu and Ba Sing Se.”

Her smile fades a little and she looks down at her glass of wine. “I was looking for someone,” she whispers.

“Did you find them?”

She thinks of the Korra she found, her defeat in the earthbending tournament, the knife she pressed to her throat, the broken look on her face as Asami stared into her star-speckled eyes. “I don’t know,” she whispers.

Ghashiun tilts his head and looks at her with a furrowed brow like she’s a puzzle and he’s trying to figure her out. A moment later he offers her another drink and she shouldn’t, she _knows_ she shouldn’t, but he’s nice and he listens to her and she just wants someone to make her feel like she matters. So she leans into his touches, laughs at his jokes, lets her eyes wander obviously over his chiseled physique, allows him to buy her two more glasses of wine so she’s tipsy and flirty.

Even as she leads him back to her hotel room she knows she’s going to regret this. But she kisses him like he’s the only person in the world, guides his fumbling fingers to the buttons on her jacket, revels in his whispered praises of her beauty. He kisses her still healing burn with a reverence that makes her want to cry and murmurs apologies into her neck. She allows herself to feel like she’s wanted and basks in the attention Ghashiun worships her body with.

It’s later when he’s lying next to her, chest heaving to catch his breath, that she starts to feel guilty. Asami has slept with plenty of people, men and women, over the past three years to help mask the feeling of loneliness but this is the first time she feels dirty and wrong. She turns on her side, away from Ghashiun, and struggles to keep her tears at bay until he decides to leave.

“Asami?” he murmurs, and she tenses when he lays a gentle hand on her arm.

“I… I’m sorry,” she chokes, but even then she can’t bring herself to ask him to go.

“Would you like me to get you some clothes?”

She squeezes her eyes shut and waits until she knows that speaking won’t make her cry. “Yes, there’s… there’s a robe hanging in the bathroom.”

He slides out of bed and she hears him ruffle with his own clothing before padding over to the bathroom. The bed dips under his weight when he returns with her robe she quickly slips it on, the soft silk armor against the discomfort of the situation. It’s funny how moments before she was having sex with him and now she can barely even stand to have him look at her. He’s only wearing his pants and his chest glints with sweat from the moonlight shining though the window.

“Does this have anything to do with the person you’re looking for?” Ghashiun asks, his voice soft. “The Blind Bandit?”

Asami freezes and is glad when he doesn’t try to touch her again. She turns away.

“If you want to see her again there’s another tournament tomorrow night in the bending ring just beyond the city limits,” he says, and there’s the sound of him sliding off the bed again, of him slipping into the rest of his clothes. She sees him walk to the door, manages to meet his eyes as he turns to look at her one last time.

“Maybe it’s not someone else you came to Gaoling to look for,” he says. “Maybe you’re looking for yourself.”

She doesn’t do anything to muffle her sobs after he leaves.

* * *

 

This arena is larger and more crowded than the first one and is a bit more familiar to Asami. It mirrors a pro-bending arena, except the cavernous space around the ring that is supposed to be filled with water is empty. There was an attempt to extend pro-bending to the Earth Kingdom and this is very obviously a remnant of that failure. It turns out earthbenders aren’t particularly interested in watching bending that isn’t their own.

The tournament starts and Korra is one of the first people to be put in the ring. Asami holds her breath through that first match. Her performance is so much different than before, dodging blows and throwing back counter attacks that make her opponent gasp for breath when he’s finished avoiding them. She seems like she’s one with the element and she can’t help but shoot to her feet and cheer with the rest of the crowd when Korra slams her opponent out of the arena in a clear victory.

Her next matches are just as breathtaking. She exudes power in every movement, muscles and tendons flexing as sweat drips down her bare skin. Each motion is deliberate and precise and she doesn’t do anything without a reason, feet firm on the ground as she faces each opponent with calm determination. Then she loses.

She can see the exact moment when Korra loses control of the match from the way her body tenses up. Her opponent can see it too. And within moments Korra is thrown from the arena.

Asami doesn’t wait.

She’s on her feet and running to the edge of the arena before the badger moles can clear the rubble from the match, circling around until she comes to the staircase that leads down to the benders’ holding area. She pushes through the crowd of earthbenders, most of them still waiting to have their first match, and prays to the spirits that Korra hasn’t already left.

“She went that way.”

The Ringer is pointing her thumb down a tunnel leading deeper into the mountain the arena is built in and Asami just stares at her for a moment.

“You’re looking for The Blind Bandit, right?” The Ringer asks and Asami nods. “She went that way.” She points her thumb in the same direction as before and Asami follows it.

Korra hasn’t gotten very far when Asami catches up to her. She remembers the fire Korra blasted at her the last time she caught her by surprise and Asami is about to call out to her when Korra stops in the middle of the hall a few feet in front of her.

“What are you doing here, Asami?” Her voice cracks in the middle of the sentence and it sounds like she’s been crying.

She considers being completely honest, spilling everything, but she’s not sure how much more emotion a broken Korra can take. So she settles for being as sparse as possible while still being honest. She shrugs her shoulders and says, “I came for you.”

“I’m not going back to Republic City.”

“I didn’t come to convince you to go back to Republic City,” Asami says. “I should… I need to apologize.”

Korra doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move.

“I was selfish,” Asami says as she wraps her arms around herself and looks down at her feet. “When I came here I didn’t come for you, I came for me. I didn’t realize it at first and I thought I was doing what was best for you but… but I didn’t realize that me being here might hurt you. I shouldn’t have said those things, I shouldn’t have tried to force you to come back to Republic City, and I shouldn’t have come if you didn’t want me here.”

The following silence is long and strained and Asami is about to leave when Korra speaks up.

“I want you here,” she whispers and Asami looks up in surprise. “That… that’s why I wrote you that letter. It’s why I wrote you any of those letters. I wanted you here. I wanted you to find me.”

“Why me?”

“You’re the only one who understood,” Korra says with a shrug. “After what the Red Lotus did to me, after the poison… you were the only one who seemed to understand exactly what I needed. You weren’t telling me to take my time in getting better and unintentionally rubbing in my face that everyone else was taking care of my Avatar duties like Tenzin. And you weren’t overbearing and demanding I help people like President Raiko. You were just… there.”

“Korra…”

“And I felt better whenever you were around,” Korra says, turning to face Asami with a desperate expression on her face. “My bad days weren’t as bad and my good days were even better. You made me feel stronger, less tired, like… like I could actually recover.”

Asami takes a tentative step forward. “Then why didn’t you let me come to the Southern Water Tribe with you?”

Korra’s laugh is quiet and barely there. “And take the CEO of Future Industries away from Republic City?” she asks. “They needed you more than I did.”

“I would’ve come with you,” Asami says. “Future Industries needs to expand and the Southern Water Tribe would be a perfect place…”

“Republic City needed you,” Korra says with a shake of her head. “Things would’ve fallen apart the moment you left.”

“You’re worth it.”

She gives Asami a wry smile. “My life is worth more than the millions who live in Republic City?” she asks. “Asami, I gave myself over to Zaheer for the airbenders. Do you really think I would have let you put my needs before those of Republic City? I’m the Avatar. What else does the world need me for other than throwing my life on the line?”

“I need you,” Asami admits in a whisper.

A stunned look flits across Korra’s face. “Why?” she finally croaks.

“You’re my best friend,” Asami says with a shrug. She takes another tentative step forward, and another, until she’s standing so close to Korra that all she has to do is reach out and touch her. “You sent me all of, what, thirteen, fourteen letters over the last three years? And in every single one of them you just… you knew what I needed you to say. When I read them… it was like you were there again and I… spirits, Korra, how could I _not_ need you? How have I not needed you my whole life?”

Korra throws herself at Asami and that’s all the permission she needs to wrap her up in a hug and bury her face in her hair.

“I missed you so much,” Korra whimpers.

“I missed you, too.”

* * *

 Hours later they’re still in the hallway, but sitting side-by-side leaning against one of the walls. Korra is playing with the straps of her bag and occasionally turns her head away from Asami and down the hall, sensing through earthbending something or someone Asami can’t see. They’ve fallen into a comfortable silence and it seems as though neither of them want to break it.

“I went looking for you last night,” Korra finally whispers. “You were… with someone else.”

Asami’s eyes widen. “Korra…”

“You don’t need to explain,” Korra says, her fingers fumbling faster. “It’s none of my business.”

“Will you let me explain anyways?”

Korra’s nod is uncertain.

Her forehead wrinkles as she searches for the right words. “Everyone left,” she finally says, and Korra’s fingers go still. “After you went to the Southern Water Tribe, everyone just started… drifting away. The airbenders came and went as they dealt with different problems. Bolin ended up joining Kuvira here in the Earth Kingdom to try to reign in all the chaos caused by Zaheer. Mako… well, you know how Mako dives into his work.”

They share a laugh but after a moment their smiles fade. Asami wraps her arms around her stomach and holds herself tight.

“I got lonely,” Asami whispers. “And I felt like I was… stuck. Everyone else was moving up in the world, but I’d already… I was as far as I could go. There was nothing to look forward to. And you were gone so long… two weeks turned into three, three weeks turned into month, which turned into two, and with every passing day you just seemed to get farther away.”

She struggles to hold back tears. “And then I found you and I… I _failed,_ ” she whispers. “I was alone again and I just… I needed someone, you know? And that guy was there. He bought drinks for me and listened to me and for a moment I didn’t feel as alone.”

They’re both quiet.

“I’ve been a pretty shitty friend, haven’t I?”

Asami stares at her with wide eyes. “What, Korra, no…”

“You don’t have to lie to me.” Korra’s voice is bitter and Asama’s shoulders sag. “I mean, I told you I was going to be gone a couple weeks and it’s been three years. And I was supposed to be back in Republic City six, no seven months ago? Yeah, seven months ago now and look where I am.”

“Korra, it’s fine,” Asami says gently. “Like I said before, I was selfish. You’ve been through so much and everyone’s just expected you to get back up, dust yourself off, and continue saving the world. It’s not fair that I expect you to do that, too.”

A moment passes before a small smile plays across Korra’s lips. “Thanks,” she whispers. “I really appreciate that.”

“How about… would it… I mean, if you want…” Asami isn’t used to this, stumbling over her words, and she wonders at herself as her tongue twists itself in knots. Korra just laughs and reaches for her hand, her grin widening when Asami meets her halfway.

“Just ask what you’re going to ask,” Korra says. “I think we’ve gone past the point of offending each other.”

“I was just going to ask if you wanted to come back to my hotel room with me,” Asami says as she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I don’t know where you’re staying and…”

“That’d be great,” Korra says, her shoulders sagging with relief. “To be honest I’ve been sleeping in alleys and out in the wild for the past seven months and while I’m blind sleeping on a bed it’s definitely more comfortable.”

As they walk back to Asami’s hotel together Korra’s hand catches in hers. Something flutters in her chest she allows herself a small smile. Neither of them have even begun to get to the bottom of their problems, but maybe she’s found what she’s looking for after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for tumblr user ferrymedown for the Korrasami Holiday Fic Exchange (if you want to read more of the fics written for this you can see them at korrasamisecretsanta . tumblr . com). Apparently there was a word count limit that I exceeded. I apologize. My stories always get out of hand. This will be no longer than a two-shot or three-shot.


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